cynicism? - heaven forbid


The social networks obligate you every so often to write a few words about yourself - anathema to any modest person who has a dream, but understands that in order to fulfill it he had better appear humble. That's why I go for fewer words, assuming that anyhow no one believes what you write. On my Facebook for instance, I wrote that 'I read a bit, write a bit, laugh when happy and silent when sad', and so as not to seem too dull, I added with humor (at least I thought so): '...a virgin but drink coffee easily.'

The reactions did not hesitate to come. I won't burden you with them all, but they went from 'not a serious person' to 'a hopeless cynic'. The former insulted me - after all, I've established a successful enterprise, planned houses that people live in happily or not, served in the army when it was still an army, and I can fix anything from a faucet to a computer. 

The second remark, I must admit, wounded my inner soul. Cynicism is not something you choose to be. It is something you are born with since your father was a cynic, and die one -because you were nourished so as long as he lived. And in any case - the best writers were cynical, from José Saramago to those who put together the Israel Declaration of Independence. 

Bernard Shaw once wrote to Sir Churchill: 'Dear Winston, I wish to invite you to the premiere of my new play. I'd be delighted if you could come, and do bring a friend, if you have one, of course.' 

'Sorry to disappoint you but I'm going with friends to the pub on that very day', answered Churchill, 'However, I'd love to come to the second performance, if there is one, of course.'

Given all its clear shortcomings, the advantage of being cynical is that you can be born in Rhodesia, appointed Governor of the Bank without knowing much about Israel, and then start taunting the lower classes, as if they were the 'browns' on a chess board.

The fun about Facebook is that you can become friends with the Prime Minister, comment on his albums, and write him messages:

Dear Bibi,

I wanted to talk to you about the mortgages. To tell you that whoever wants to buy a house these days in the National Home has to mortgage himself to death. Take Stanley, go out for a tete-a-tete at a pub, and tell him what he's probably already forgotten: that if you want to lower prices, you have to increase supply.

Then go out to the people and announce that you've decided to be sensible and build thousands of flats for rent at reasonable prices, for which at least two billion shekels have already accumulated in the state's coffers. You should probably know that every cynical increase in the mortgage simply brings the Jewish genome closer to the Diaspora. N'est-ce pas?

In Holland, for instance, 35% of the population lives in public housing. In England - 27%, and here - only you, Peres, and a few thousand prisoners. Go for it - it'll bring you thousands of fans who will relieve you of the yoke of the Libermans, the Ovadias, and the prejudices that prevent you from making peace in the National Home you love so much.

I didn't vote for you, bro, but take some advice from a Facebook friend. It'll pay off for all of us, big time.

חזרה לגליון 83    back to issue 83